80s Annie

Sometimes kid’s lose their virginity due to boredom.

Once upon a boring summer, we happened upon a virgin killer. She was on a ten speed. Usually only older kids and adults rode ten speeds so we figured she was older. We would find out later that she was only a year or so older and just barely a teenager. She could have passed for a young adult. She had a curly puff of blonde hair on her head so my buddy called her Annie.

We were interested immediately because she was something we’d never seen before on our slow California streets. We were being sized up and stalked the minute she got on the block.

To her, we were not boys, we were prey. She was a hard and fast piece of New York City slipped inside a small, slow paced virgin Sacramento County. She’d seen and done things that our parents would call blasphemy, sinful and/or illegal.

In a lot of ways her very presence ended our virginity because her attitude justified everything we were about to do. First off she was not a virgin, secondly she was horny, which is pretty screwed up to say about a kid, but TRUE never the less.

Now by this time you are probably thinking that she molested my friend and I. I am sorry to disappoint you, but this was not the case.. not for me anyway. I can not speak for my friend. I will say that some of the New York state of mind rubbed off on me and that might have had something to do with.. other things that may or may not have happened (that will not be discussed on this site).

Now that I am a father, thinking back to 80’s Annie strikes a fear that I don’t like to consider at all. The whole truth of it is just a place I don’t like to go. Its like thinking of my mom having a sex life multiplied by 80.

Popularity: 3% [?]

The Kid Who had a Mountain of Smut Under His Bed

My 9 year old friend was a god. His name was Justin; he was a deaf, black kid that visited in the summer. And he was a god.

He was the proud owner of small mountain of Playboy magazines. I was among two other fortunate little boys that would huddle around the “T&A” booty like it was a bond fire in a cold industrial wasteland on the outskirts of a forgotten city.

It was the physical manifestation of pre-ejaculant dreams yet to come, the wet dream we didn’t know we wanted and all before I’d discovered the magic of masturbation… which made it extra special.

It was something like 1984, back when MJ was still black and Ronald Reagan was still the American anti-Christ, Persona non grata among negros.. good times, good times, but I digress.

Each picture was like a drug we injected directly into our balls through our eyes. A hit would make our hearts race, our mouths salivate and our wood sported all at the same time. Who the hell needed Viagra? It was the 1980s and we were children with softpr0n, baby!

I remember being both captivated and repulsed by the first neatly shaven “coochie” on a woman I’d ever seen. Having three sisters, I’d seen what a vagina looked like on a girl. It was a triangle and a line, nothing special or fascinating, no magic or mystery. But these were not girls, these were WOMEN. And they had a clitoris. In nearly every picture, the fleshy flap of skin was teasing like someone displaying a mean tongue.

“What the heck is that?” Someone asked.

“I have no idea,” I said.

“It’s called a clit,” said Cameron. Cameron was Justin’s older brother. We was about three years older than us. He was a very smart and quiet kid.

The whole experience was like sex-ed without the sex. With the exception of Marky, who was about seven, we all had a basic idea of what was supposed to happen with sexual intercourse. At the time the whole thing was still mostly a curiosity. On any given day you could catch us drawing a stick figure with giant, sloppy breasts bigger than its miss-happened head. We had no clue about anything so it was a thrill.

These days Playboy gives me about the same thrill as a cool invention in Popular Mechanics. Its not that the ladies are less babe-O-licious or that I prefer dudes. Its just that I’m a sexually desensitized, screwed up and kinky adult that needs more than airbrushed, glamour shots to get a jolt. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there is the occasional gorgeous goddess cut from a different mould than the cloned, blonde Barbie factories that are still over saturating the adult market.

But these days the models have to seem real. That or there has to be some bite with a twist of the demented (that I will spare you in order to preserve the sanctity of your soul) to give me the same hit that it did in the 80s. If you are curious about the “demented” than I’ll give you a hint:

2 pkg. lemon Jello
2 c. boiling water
2 c. cold water
1 sm. can crushed pineapple, drained
2 bananas, sliced
Miniature marshmallows

*I told you it wasn’t pretty. If you have Google it and figured it out the mere knowledge of it is going to send you directly to HELL

Popularity: 3% [?]

I remember when John Lennon Died

I remember the day that John Lennon died.

I was 6 years old and living in Washington state at the time. It was one of four events that took place that I recall vividly in 1980.

They are all things I will never forget:

1) Mt St. Helen’s erupted and kill some people (it rained ash)
2) My sister almost drowned in a lake some kid save her (and I got spanked for letting her go outside)
3) Some kids attacked me because I was black (1st time I experienced racism. Mom actually had to explain what it was)
4) John Lennon died

I was over my friend’s house. His parents were watching the news an crying. I asked them what was wrong. They told me John Lennon died. I asked them who he was. They told me he was in a band called the Beatles. They said, “He was a great man who wanted peace for everyone in the world… and now he’s gone.”

I remember feeling sad, too. I thought, “now we can’t have peace… that’s terrible.”

Popularity: 3% [?]

Some thoughts: Born in the 80s

My buddies girl friend was born in the actual 1980s. So, of course, she knows almost NOTHING about the 80s. She was like 2 years old when Duran Duran was “Hungry Like The Wolf”. Naturally most of her childhood memories are from the 90s (which is just super strange to me).

Anyway, it got me thinking about how I feel about 1970’s. She feels the same way about Ronald Reagan as I do about Jimmy Carter. I have no idea what Jimmy Carter was like. Most of what I’ve heard comes from angry conservatives. According to them, he was the worse president in history. I do know he helped popularize Habitat for Humanity which I think is pretty cool.

Really most things I know from the 70s are from TV reruns and history. I do remember some of the R&B music. My mom would always listen to 70’s R&B and I actually remember hearing it as a kid. I remember hearing a song called Float ON by the Floaters:

I don’t really remember any disco. But that is probably a good thing.

Popularity: 3% [?]

80s Ghetto Blaster

The first ghetto blaster I saw was on LL Cool J’s video, “My Radio”. Mounted on LL’s thin frame was a massive rectangle blasting music as he torched the streets of New York with funky fresh lyrics. He was in uniform, an red Adiddas gear. It was in your face cool, it was aggressive and it was annoying all at once. It was hip-hop in the 80’s.

And now its history. These days a guy would have to get an ipod mounted ghetto blaster.. hey.. not a bad idea!

Popularity: 5% [?]

Duran Duran Flipbook

getback.com — “Nick Rhodes, Simon Le Bon, and three dudes named Taylor — Roger, Andy, and John (none of them related) — were kind of the Beatles of the ’80s. They were cited as the biggest band in what MTV called “The Second British Invasion,” earning 21 singles in the Billboard Hot 100 and selling over 100 million records.”

I would call them the “second British Invasion”. Duran Duran was definitely an 80’s A-List act but comparing them to the Beatles is laughable hype. Your proof should be that Duran Duran did not even survive the 90s where as the Beatles are timeless. They are a once in a decade phenomenon. The closest thing to Beatles type fame in the 80s was Michael Jackson.

My wife told me that one of her friends had a poster of one of the guys in Duran Duran. While a group of her girl friends sat around talking about how much they loved the group, she said she wasn’t attracted to them and the friendship was over.

Looking back its easy to say “man, those meterosexuals suck.” But in the 80s Duran Duran were gods outside of any genre description.

I’m must admit that I am an out the closet flamer for Hungry like the wolf who the hell would not have sex with Duran
Duran after hearing Hungry like the Wolf!!

Popularity: 17% [?]

5 Characteristics of 80s Movies High School/College Villains

Uncoached.com address a serious issue that plagued the 80s.. the 80s high school/college movie villains.

Whether or not they have funny hair or drive a Corvette, all these guys have a defining quality that bonds them all. Put it this way, you will inevitably see at least one of these characteristics on a high school or college villain in an 80 ’s movie. I’m not saying you’ll see them all in every guy, but these 5 are pretty static.

Popularity: 11% [?]

80s prom dress

If you are looking for an 80s prom dress, Madonna’s lacy teeny bopper
style is a solid choice. Some 80s prom dresses are timeless. They look
good in almost any decade: 80s, 90s and 2000’s - if you want something that looks
like it came from the 80s, you almost have to do something slightly over
the top, tacky that screams 80s. HUGE 80s “Poison” Ozone killing hair,
a side pony tail, a New wave hair do… something crazy. Accessories
like fingerless lace gloves, bracelets and RayBan glasses. layered
pleated dress were popular on prom dresses.

Popularity: 100% [?]

Events of the 1980s

There are a few unforgettable events of the 80s that remains stuck in the top of my mind.

The Fall of the Berlin Wall:
The fall of the Berlin Wall was one of the most memorable moments of the 80s for me. “When the East German government announced on November 9, 1989, after several weeks of civil unrest, that visits in West Germany and West Berlin would be permitted, crowds of East Germans climbed onto and crossed the wall, joined by West Germans on the other side in a celebratory atmosphere.” - wiki
It was a celebration that me and the whole world was apart of. Every clamored of getting a piece of that wall.

Thriller
You can’t go on a single 80s page worth a damn and not see several reverences to Micheal Jackson’s Thriller album. Its reign of the 80s was complete.

The Moon Walk
The first time it was done, it stunned the world. Micheal Jackson launched the release the of the Thriller album with a live performance of Billie Jean and a moon walk across the stage that sent chills down the collective backs of humanity.

Reagan has been shot
I remember that when Ronald Regan was shot it was played on the news like a million times, in a million different speeds.

Challenger Explosion
The space shuttle Challenger explosion is a very memorable event for me personally. It was amazing shock for American and whole world.

Iran Contra
Although I have to re-read the details of this Whitehouse level scandal, I will never for get Col. Oliver North dodging questions of the Congress.

Popularity: 6% [?]

80’s Cable TV: On-TV

A couple of weeks ago my friend pointed out to me that me and my family where the only ones on the block who had cable in the 80’s. “You guys had ON-TV” he pointed out.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9f/Ontvlogo.jpg

ON-TV was a subscription television service, also known as National Subscription Television, launched in 1977 by Oak Industries, Norman Lear’s Chartwell Enterprises and Jerry Perenchio. Oak was a manufacturer of satellite and pay-TV decoders and equipment. ON-TV operated in major markets such as Los Angeles, Chicago and Detroit.

ON-TV was one of many “scrambled UHF” services in many major markets around the country in the era before multi-channel cable television became widely available. Others included SelecTV, Prism, Starcase, Spectrum, Preview, VEU, and SuperTV.

ON-TV, like other PayTV networks, aired a mixture of movies, sports events, and concerts. For example, the Los Angeles-area service showed many home games of the Los Angeles Dodgers, California Angels, Los Angeles Lakers, and Los Angeles Kings, as well as some of the era’s biggest championship boxing matches. In Chicago, ON-TV aired Chicago White Sox, Chicago Bulls and Chicago Blackhawks games (which eventually migrated over to a second ON-TV owned station, Sportsvision.)

ON-TV not only aired mainstream films, but much like Z Channel, also aired more unique films and concerts, featuring such acts as Talking Heads and Siouxsie and the Banshees. ON-TV also opted for a uniquely New Wave and heavy metal-dominated music video lineup between films, including acts that MTV and other video shows often ignored, such as Oingo Boingo, Slade, Adam and the Ants, Devo, Men Without Hats, Rush, The Police, J. Geils Band, Wall of Voodoo and many others.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ON-TV

We used to attempt to watch the Playboy channel by flipping the A/B selector back an forth quickly. It was ultra softcore but for an 9-10 year old in the 80’s it was might as well have been Hustler magazine. What is funny is that Hustler and the other hardcore stuff seemed over the top. It was more of a gross out oddity taken too far that defied description. But Playboy was just right.

Aside from the occasional “skin”amax or late night HBO, What we watched more that anything else was MTV. There was no MTV2 or Realworld or whatever else lame crap they pass for entertainment these days. In the 80’s, MTV meant MUSIC TV and they actually played MUSIC videos. Their competition was the Box who played back to back videos (I think that was the name.. could have been “video box” or “thebox”). Thevideobox (or whatever the name was.. I maybe thinking of Video Jukebox) never really got that popular and might have been a local phenomenon, because I googled it and can’t find anything on it… let me know if you remember it. MTV’s only other real competition was VH1 (VH-1: Video Hits One) that got big a little later.

What was really cool about MTV at the time is that they seem to be a young and daring group of artists running the channel however the hell they wanted. As such they were able to break new ground in all directions in art: music, video, stories, shows, movies, even animation. Mad geniuses like Peter Chung introduced new states of consciousness via strange pieces like Æon Fluxin the early 1990’s. MTV was able to popularize the music video genre and the avante garde fringes of art & culture stimulating a revolutionary progressive thought that was brewing within the newly arrived Generation X. Unfortunately, MTV/MTV2 is now just another part of the corporate/commercial landscape. Innovation and freething has been pushed to the Internet.

On-TV was a big factor in my GenX development. While might chalk this up as an entirely negative thing, I would respectfully disagree. I really believe that cable is a interesting part of the American cultural landscape. In the 80’s, channels like MTV helped to define the boundaries of our culture. Many hard line traditionalist and religious types were seriously critical of the redefinition of those boundaries, but no one (not even a particular religion) owns the rights to all ethical answers. Life evolves to fast for a single one-dimensional measurement of morality and reality.

Popularity: 6% [?]

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